Saucony-- an I love you post.

I recently tweeted (twittered?) about my trials with my Saucony Grid Excursion TR5 shoes-- namely the rubber guard on the toe falling off and the insole coming unglued -- see pictorial evidence below:

 

[gallery link="file"]
I love Saucony..I always have. I tried on my first pair about 6 years ago and have never purchased another pair of running/walking/exercising shoes since then. So you can imagine my disappointment when each pair I purchased started falling apart sooner than the last. However, within a day of complaining to the company--I recieved a message on Twitter from the company with an apology and a code to help me purchase a new pair to replace my falling apart pair.

 

I just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to Saucony. You've shown me that you really do care about your customers and I'm a lifer. :)

 

 

Spring in 2 Action Week 2 update

Well, it’s been two weeks since I started the “Spring in 2 action Challenge” over at Shrinking jeans and this week was much tougher than the first.

I had some mental issues (read about them Here) and they really took a toll on my self-esteem. However, I still managed to get to the gym most days this week and have been having a great time on the Arc-Trainer. I bumped up to 40 minutes at a time today and burned 573 calories on that alone!!

I got a chance to run a bit a work (more like chase someone) and it really surprised me how far I was able to go and how long I was able to keep up just compared to a month or so ago. Working the cardio on the arc trainer and then putting the treadmill on an incline for 30 minutes at a 3.0 speed really has made a huge difference. I can't wait until the snow is off the trails here so that I can practice my running outside for my 5k in May.

Overall though, I'm down 5 pounds in two weeks and have upped my push ups to 22 at a time (not where I wanted to be , but I'm happy )

Here's to a great week..and to an even better one next week!!

 

 

***Workout***

40 Minutes Arc Trainer 572 Calories

"Unless You Puke, Faint or Die, Keep Going!"

This is going to be all over the place..I apologize in advance--

A--I've been watching "Losing it With Jillian Michaels" today and I'm in awe of the life-changing force that is Jillian Michaels. She sees right to the heart of these peoples issues and makes such valid points. If I could put her in my pocket and carry her around all day and take her out when I'm feeling down and have her tough love me back into shape, I so would.

B--I had a mini mental breakdown this weekend and realized that I felt that I wasn't "ENOUGH" for anyone.  I wasn't enough of one thing for one person, I wasn't this for another person... and I was ready to just walk away from everything that I have here and just run and hide in some dark distant corner of the world..so I drove the cemetery where my mom is laid to rest and sat in the parking lot and just let it all out and cried for hours. The best part of the whole night was turning on the radio and hearing a song that has come to mean so much to me after my mother died. which to my knowledge has never been released for air play, so that caught my attention and then I heard .. and I knew somehow my mother was telling me that it was okay, I was going to be fine.

C--So today, I decided that I was taking charge of my life and I went out and rented an apartment. I've been living at home with my dad ever since mom passed and its time for me to move on. I  didn't move all the way to New Hampshire from Nebraska to live at home for ever. I'm 31 and I need to get on with my life. Yes, I'm divorced; yes, I'm back in school at 31 but it's okay. I can move forward and onward to better things.

D-- and the icing on the cake-- My best best best friend sent me a link to an amazing song after listening to my recounting my mental break down and how I was just feeling so worthless and he couldn't have picked a better song.

oh..and I went to the gym today:

Arc Trainer	30 Minutes	412 Calories
treadmill	15 Minutes	100 Calories

42-34-42

42-34-42 - I am an hourglass for sure. Since 05/08 I'm down15 inches in my hips, 14 in my waist and a total of 65 lbs- up 5 in the bust though.

I can't believe I had an additional 15 INCHES on my hips. Where the hell did I keep it? I've still got the J.Lo booty-- so I'm not sure what left, lol!! I know my waist went down. It used to stick out like I was pregnant, even whenI wasn't.

Here's some comparison shots:



Around my heighest weight ever-- give or take 10 pounds.

And a recent shot:





Every once in a while, I amaze myself and realize just how far I have really come.

***workout***

Stair-treadmill ergometer, general	30 minutes	200 Calories
Arc Trainer	30 minutes	425 calories

Spring in 2 Action Week one update

Well, it's been a week since I started the "Spring in 2 action Challenge" over at Shrinking jeans and I must say...it's been fun.

I have had the chance to get to know Katy over at "Swedish Pancake"..and she's pretty awesome. If you haven't read her blog or her twitter updates, you're missing out on knowing a wonderful lady :) So go on, follow her on Twitter.

I've pushed myself hard on the Arc Trainer at the gym, and have been consistently burning 400 plus calories in my 30 minutes that I spend on it. I must say that it gives me quite a thrill to look down and see that many calories gone with such a low perceived rate of effort. Don't get me wrong...it's hard as heck especially when I've got the resistance dialed up to 55 and the incline at a 6 but it's amazing to see those numbers. I've done alright with my push-ups this week as well. I'm at a solid 20 before I can't do them with proper form anymore.

Eating on the other hand, I'm not doing well. I have a tendency to just not eat as my appetite runs to the low side. I have a hard time getting to my recommended calories each day, and trust me--while it seems like a good problem to have, it's not. When you aren't eating enough, weight loss will plateau. According to the Harris Benedict formula of BMR I have a basal Metabolic rate of 1644.08, which is what my body burns just being alive. So based on my activity level I can consume 2548 calories and not gain weight, but to lose weight I need to eat less than 2048 calories a day. However, with what I managed to eat to day, I am only sitting at 1100 calories. That's below the 1200 minimum recommendation for women and well below the daily deficit of 500 that I am going for.

So my question to you is:

How many calories a day do you eat? Do you know your BMR? How do they match up?

True Confessions Tuesday

#1.  I feel like just bursting into tears at the disappointment I feel in myself. I made a resolution this New Years and I broke it. I lasted three months and then in one night, I lost everything I'd worked for and put myself right back into where I was before.

#2. I've been completely unmotivated this week. I'm avoiding the gym, I'm putting off tracking, I'm reaching for things-- that while they comfort me in the moment-- aren't any good for me. This just gets me into a cycle of "if I didn't go to the gym today, I'm not going to  make myself eat well, because it's just not going to do any good"....and then if I don't eat well, I'm much less inclined to go to the gym because I feel crappy over what I've eaten.

Looking at these confessions, it just proves to me that they are both tie into the same thing-- My emotions-- more specifically, my *negative* emotions and how overwhelmingly present they are in my life all the time.  I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression a few years ago and it occasionally breaks through my medication regime and rears its ugly head.  I know that the way I'm feeling right now is part of that and I know that I just have to keep the faith so to speak and trust that I can ride this one out...




***WORKOUT***
treadmill 10 minutes 80 Calories
Arc Trainer 30 Minutes 432 calories

Spring in 2 Action Challenge (Witty Retorts and a Challenge)

I'm a sucker for a challenge and I'm all over this one.  The Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans is hosting a 6 week weight loss and fitness challenge. I put out the call for a partner on Twitter and Katy answered.

We collaborated on a team name -- Witty Retorts -- as we both are HUGE fans of sarcasm :) , shared some of our story with each other and now, we're off and runnin'. Maybe not literally yet, but definitely figuratively. Now our challenge is how to motivate one another with out being in the same area.  It's gonna be fun.

If you aren't signed up yet..why not? Get your but over to the registration page and sign up..if you don't have a partner-- the lovely ladies over there will help you out in finding one.

After all...What have you got to lose?

 

***Workout***

 

Elliptical Trainer	30 minutes	312 calories
Stair-treadmill ergometer, general	30 minutes	197 calories

Perception vs. Reality

What do you see when you look in the mirror? I see a tired, haggard, 31 year old with nothing going right for her. I see this:



 

That's me two years ago...that's me almost 70 pounds ago. That's the person who doesn't think anything can change for her, who doesn't think she's worth the effort of taking time for herself and doing the things that make her happy and healthy. When I look in to the mirror and see this girl looking out, I get angry. I get so frustrated because I know that's not the person that should be reflecting back at me.  Other people comment on my progress and tell me how much I've changed...how much younger and healthier I look. I wonder when I'll be able to see it in myself..I wonder when this will be the face that's staring back at me from the mirror. 

Mom 1962 - 03/01/2010

I miss you,  I miss your smile,and I still shed a tear every once in a while.
Even though it’s different now, you’re still here somehow,
my heart won’t let you go, and I need you to know…I miss you.

You never said you're leaving
You never said goodbye

You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knew why.

A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place,
That nobody could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.

It's been a year, 365 days- 52 weeks- Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes since you left.  A year in which I've made so many changes and started growing in ways that I can only hope you'd be proud of. Everything I do, everything I strive for-- you're always in the back of my mind encouraging me, I can hear your voice telling me that I can do anything I set my mind to . I love you, Mom and I miss you every day.

---- Workout---

Cardiovascular	Minutes	Calories Burned
Elliptical Trainer	30	309
Stair-treadmill ergometer, general	30	275



What hurts the most...

Is looking at my ex's engagement pictures and knowing I wasn't good enough, and it sucks.

 

I'm trying to be better though.

 

Maybe someday I will be.

Suck it up and move on.

I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm up 4 pounds. So discouraged. I've been under my calories all week and have worked my literal ass off. What I don't understand is the why.Well, I understand the why -- Calories out were apparently less then calories in. I guess what I don't' understand is the how. I tracked and watched what I ate... I exercised and I burned calories. So boo-hoo poor me. :(

But instead of focusing on the why and the how of this disappointment, I can choose to focus on what I HAVE accomplished this week.

I've been to the gym and according to my Nike+, I've done over 38K steps.  That's A LOT.

I pushed myself during yoga and got deeper into some poses that I ever have before and SURPRISE SURPRISE.... it made a huge difference in how I feel the day after,  in a GREAT way. Sore but sore with a reminder that I CAN push myself further than I thought and be okay after.

I have driven past Dunkin Donuts each time I've said I wanted to go and didn't stop once. I'm so HUGELY proud of this peeps, ya'll have no idea. I have been craving a Boston Creme for weeks now and I'm continuing to talk myself out of it.

So yeah, the scale went up..but guess what--- So did my self confidence, and that's worth much more.

A little bit of this and that ---

I've been pretty busy for the past week or so and haven't really had a chance to sit down and just get it all out. So here's a little bit of what I've been up to:

Signed up for : Canterbury Village Cross Country 5K in May. I'm excited and completely frackin' nervous about it. I did a half-marathon two years ago (walking/jogging) that took me about 3 hours when I was much less physically active but that doesn't stop the self-doubt and nerves from creeping in.

I've been working on school work and finishing up this term at SNHU in my journey to getting my bachelors degree in Psychology, and it's brought me to question my career path. I enjoy the science of psychology but I know I don't want to sit for hours and listen to people complain about their lives.. I'd much rather sit and work with children in a school but I don't know how to focus my schooling in on that. Time to see the adviser at the campus, I suppose.

I attended a hearing for Marriage Equality in Concord, and the energy and the sheer amazing-ness (is that a word?) of the support for equality for EVERYONE that I saw there just blows my mind. I can't wait for the day when everyone is not only allowed but ENCOURAGED to love and marry whom ever they want.

I'm still going to the gym...I took a few days off this last week and really regret it. I ended up feeling blah most of the week. I made up for it yesterday though with 2 gym trips in one day..and I'm hoping to get back in there today after spending time with my niece and finishing up school work.



-- Work out for yesterday--


Elliptical 25 Minutes 280 Calories
treadmill 30 Minutes 300 Calories
yoga 90 Minutes 330 Calories

Rockstar!

I went into the gym feeling pretty crappy. I've come down with some sort of bug and going into the gym and exercising didn't seem at all like anything I wanted to actually do but after talking with Amy at Fat Girls Can Run via Twitter and getting some awesome encouragement, I decided to try for my rockstar status for the day. 5K Your Way Rookie Running Program - Week: 1 Day: 1 -- 20 minutes. 1.5 miles. ROCKSTAR status achieved!!

Yay me.


Workout:

Elliptical Trainer 10 minutes 138 Calories
Treadmill - 15 min/mile 20 Minutes 138 Calories

Super excited--

I've always been interested in running. It seems like a good workout.. I enjoyed doing it when I was in elementary school and I have multiple people in my life RAVING about it-- so imagine my surprise when my favorite fitness website came up with a new "Running Section" and their own 5k training plan.

I've always been afraid to try running and just like FattyBoobaLatty over at Fatty Made a Funny often times find myself THISCLOSE to actually running. But I stop myself just in time. I'm afraid of looking like such an idiot and making the people around me laugh so hard that they fall off their treadmills and die...I'm just looking out for the innocent in this y'all, I promise.  My reluctance to run has nothing at ALL to do with the fact that I'm afraid I won't be good at it.  PROMISE.

 

I guess my point in this is that I think I am going to challenge myself (and any one else that wants to join me) into actually trying to go thru this program. After all..what do we have to lose besides a few pounds?

---WORKOUT---

Stationary Bicycling: moderate (bike, biking)	10 minutes	107 calories
Elliptical Trainer	30 minutes	413 calories
Treadmill - 10% incline 24 min/mile	10 minutes	92 calories

DAILY TOTALS :

50 minutes

612 calories

I love a good workout...

[gallery]

Pics from yesterdays workout.

Sweat + breathlessness = Beautiful :)

To be...or not to be (a tracker, that is.)

I participated in #fitblog's chat last night and the topic of conversation was "Tracking". Do you track calories...why or why not, what do you track, and when? I've tracked in the past and let it slide to the wayside after I got into a good groove, but the chat last night really opened my eyes to the fact that I'm really not ready to be on my own in the "calorie war".

So I tracked all day today, and ended up with 845 calories out of a recommended 1790. So, I scrambled at the end of the day to throw something together that would get me close to that range,  and now feel stuffed and uncomfortable. Should I have just left well-enough alone and sucked up the minimal calorie count and just tried again tomorrow or was I right in trying to get as close as I could to it?

I'm basing my 1790 on what SparkPeople says is the high end of my recommended range (Low end being 1440) .. I ended up with 1532 so pretty much in the middle... However, based on the BMR formula that I have always followed.. I should be eating about 2500 calories to maintain my current weight and then reducing that by 500 a day just to lose a pound a week ...so that still leaves me at over 2000 calories and my 1532 from earlier being still not enough.

What do you do in that situation?




Workout:

Elliptical for 30 minutes ( 413 cals)

Treadmill 10% incline 12minutes (104 cals)

Total of 517 calories.

"I couldn't do that...

So today while out and about, I got into a conversation about my gym habits -- and when I said that some days I go more than once for more than an hour at a time..I got a really weird look. "Oh I couldn't do that, I just don't have the time " she said and then looked at me really oddly when I said "Yes you CAN..you CHOOSE not to."

I made excuses for years about not having the time, or the money or the support that I THOUGHT I needed to get off my fat ass and get to the gym. Guess what, I was WRONG. I had the time, the money and all the support I needed...I just chose not to do anything with it, and so I gained and gained and became more and more miserable and un-healthy.  It took a divorce and being faced with the very real possibility that I may not make it to see my kids have babies if I kept on my (then) current path to wake me up and make me be honest with myself.

I'm not saying it was easy. It wasn't. It was (and still is) the hardest thing I've ever done. It's a conscious choice every day to lace up my gym shoes, fill up my water bottle and plug in my ear phones. There are days when I don't want to get up early to go, there are days when I don't feel like giving my all..and yes, I'll be honest --there have been days when I didn't do a damn thing..and you know what-- I missed the pain, the sweat and the all over body tiredness that comes with working out.

So I guess the point is..

You can do it, you just have to choose to.

My work out today-- calorie crunching done at SPARKPEOPLE.COM
Yoga (podcast from Yoga Journal ) -- not a fast one, more of a slow wind down so I'll estimate at 100 calories for 20 minutes.

Elliptical  for 25 minutes -- 344 calories

Treadmill - 15% incline 30 min/mile  for 15 minutes --125 calories

For a total of : 569 for the day.

Plankathon 2011

Josie over at Yum Yucky is hosting a challenge .   A yoga based challenge, which involves doing the plank pose for as long as you can while filming it.So, being the yogi that I am...I jumped in.  Omg, was it harder than I thought.

Plank is a very basic pose but damn...it's hard to hold. I applaud all those that accepted Josie's challenge and I'm proud to join their ranks!

Here's my attempt!



--

Workout for the day:

25 minutes on the elliptical at level 10 --244 calories

90 minutes of Yoga -- 449 calories

Total --  693

Shopping.. (In the JewliaGoulia style.)

I went shopping today and decided to take a page out of Jewlia Goulia's book/blog and take pics :)

This is what I went in looking like:



-- oversized "boyfriend style" cardigan in a plain blue- BORING!

So I decided to go out of my comfort zone and try on something I wouldn't normally wear.. A dress --



--Love the style, and the color.. however-- It was one size too small and they didn't have another. (in hind site, I should have bought it anyway and used it as a goal..was only $20 ...)

But this was my most favorite-est find of the day...

A GORGEOUS purple leather jacket-- I felt like such a hot bad-ass :)


So for only $10!! it got to come home with me :)

I love TJ Maxx.

Yoga

I've been doing yoga off and on for years now and just recently returned to my practice on a daily basis and today it really hit a nerve with me..all day long, I was feeling antsy and like something was missing... I returned the movies I rented, made sure I had lunch and work clothes picked out for tomorrow...still felt "off"...so I decided to go through a quick podcast from Yoga Journal and see if that helped any.

O'my, the difference was amazing. I feel grounded and almost as if I can "breathe" regularly again. Amazing, how that works. As I slid into triangle pose (
I looked at myself and was amazed that I could make my body do such an amazing posture. It's not the most difficult, it's not the most advanced, it's a basic posture but I can do it, and I do it well.
I'm proud of me. :)

Everything you need is already inside. Just do it.

Just a reposting today. I need to re-read this myself, and re-commit. I'm ready, are you?

I started thinking about this a while ago, and I guess the epiphany moment for me was that "weight-loss" itself can not, IS not, my "WHY."

My "why" has to be more tied into what I want out of life, my long term dreams, my goals, my aspirations in life. How can I possibly get excited, how can I possibly dedicate myself to something that I have not linked to the more important things I want out of life. Yeah, I want to fit into smaller jeans, but c'mon, when I lay back on my deathbed and think of the important things in life, am I really going to reflect back to the day I finally fit into a pair of skinny jeans? Maybe, but probably not.

I realized that my "WHY" are my larger life goals, the things I want, my dreams, and that weight loss is merely one tiny step, one tiny part of that "why." A healthy lifestyle is merely a tool that will allow me to live longer and pursue the kind of active lifestyle I want. And I guess what I am saying is that somewhere along this journey I lost that perspective, and a little bit of myself, as well. I did ultimately come to view myself as a number on the scale and that was a measurement of success/failure that I clung too. And it was for that number that I worked the various programs, with the goal being to get skinny. And of course, I had other reasons "to improve my heath" and to feel better, but I completely lost what that meant or why it was important. Simply losing became the goal and, honestly, a shallow, unsustainable, and hollow one. No wonder I burnt out, no wonder I can't find dedication. If someone at the end of my life asked, "and what did you do with your life?" and my answer was "I lost a lot of weight," that would be really, really sad. And of course, not true, because I was a good mother, a good friend, a caring person, but in terms of the goals that I set for myself and carried out, if losing was my only goal, I would not be satisfied, because losing weight in and of itself is simply not enough of a "why."

Getting skinny is not going to take me to my goals and dreams, but it is a step towards them, not something I am simply doing for getting skinnys sake. At the same time, that being said, there are a lot of other steps/transformations that I need to be doing at the same time I am working my towards my weight loss goals. My weight loss is not my lifelong dream, it is a step towards the kind of life I want, but that life is not going to be magically waiting there for me once I hit goal. Larger dissatisfaction's are not just going to melt away cause I am skinny. Shaky relationships are not going to miraculously improve just cause I got skinny. My self esteem is not going to magically improve because I am skinny (it may improve some, but so far, it hasn't). It just isn't.

So, I have decided to go about this weight loss thing from a slightly different angle, not as a goal in and of itself, but as a step towards the larger things I want out of life.

My "WHY" is ultimately to be able to live the kind of life that I want to lead. I want to lead an active, fit lifestyle so that I don't ever feel my age. I want to be spared the kind of health problems my mom had. I want to be happy and proud of myself.

Anyway, I am not sure that this makes sense to anyone outside my head. But I wanted to write it down for myself and share it...

New years Resolutions (belatedly)

fear less, hope more;
eat less, chew more;
whine less, breathe more;
talk less, say more;
hate less, love more

Also, blog more. I've been neglecting this lately and I am really starting to feel the strain and stress from not having time to write down what I thinking and feeling.

Who I'm looking for...

# You are intelligent.
# You are a geek.
# You believe in the future, live in the present and learn from your past.
# You are grounded with no current severe addictions, afflictions of the heart or mental instabilities that need prompt medical attention.
# You love your job, career or calling and thrive on it.
# You are not in debt (save for your rent, mortgage and/or car payments) and pay your current bills on time.
# You love family and close friends.
# You are not a social butterfly that needs to be entertained hourly by other people.
# You can spell and love the intricacies of language.
# You enjoy silence and it doesn’t freak you out.
# You are good with your hands.
# You don’t mind getting them dirty.
# You listen well.
# You enjoy cooking.
# You are clean.
# You prefer slow cooking to fast food.
# You can read between the lines.
# You believe in Magic.
# You are creative and can think outside of the box while jumping up and down on it to smush those outdated beliefs.
# Your home can be anywhere.
# You do not need to own the latest fashions or gadgets to feel good about yourself.
# You are honest with your emotions but don’t wear them on your sleeve.
# You believe in talking it out rather than walking away.
# You own up to your mistakes.
# You treat people with kindness.
# You know how to use a hammer.
# You look at the person you are talking to.
# You are more anxious than depressed.
# You can laugh.
# You can make me laugh.
# You know the difference between hugging and getting it on.
# You like pens that click and have awesome ink flow.
# You flirt.
# You have faith in humanity.
# You have beautiful eyes and decent teeth.
# You believe there is a solution to any problem and work to resolve differences or in the least agree to disagree.
# You like walking outside.
# You aren’t ashamed of your past.
# You have been in love maybe more than once.
# You have had your heart broken.
# You have healthy habits and even some quirky one’s that you are working on.
# You stand up for yourself.
# You encourage but do not enable.
# You are not afraid of colour.
# You love anomalies.
# You eat your vegetables and love them.
# You know what you like and what you don’t like and don’t lie about it.
# You have larger hands than me.
# You don’t dart your tongue like a jackhammer while kissing or hold it there and do nothing.
# You have full lips.
# You talk about things that interest you.
# You share your life experience openly.
# You don’t hide when things get tuff.
# You know when to call it quits.
# You can keep up with me and perhaps slow me down when needed.
# You like to be followed.
# You like taking the lead and put your hand out to do so without even asking if it’s OK.
# You talk with your actions.
# You are a man!
# You like fruit.
# You like fish, chicken and other meats but do believe in vegetarianism to.
# You buy second hand.
# You buy new when needed.
# You like trees.
# You love the ocean and swimming it.
# You like sand.
# You have a hobby.
# You can build things in real life.
# You can build things online too.
# You inspire me.
# You like Tetris.
# You aren’t so much into violence unless you’re being attacked by a bear.
# You like lady bugs.
# You dislike hornets.
# You are not afraid of spiders.
# You are not afraid of the dark.
# You are not afraid of rain or fog.
# You might have allergies.
# You might have minor current health issues.
# You earn enough money to support a family.
# You are creative and can solve problems.
# You are wordly.
# You have traveled.
# You can tell wonderful stories.
# You don’t mind repeating yourself.
# You aren’t scared to make the first move.